The tapestry of my life
Photo by Lathika Vithanage
"Your old work isn't better than your new work. And your new work isn't better than the old." - Rick Rubin
Today I feel a sense of trepidation as I return to my AT classroom after a 4 month break. So much has happened in this time that has enriched my life. I graduated, my family grew to 4. And yet today, I am worried that I have forgotten everything I learnt in the AT classroom.
Essentially I am worried that my new work will not be as good as my old work.
And that's after 5 years of AT teacher training!
It's not easy in today's world to feel that I am enough as I am in every moment. There are so many messages that imply that I need to be more. I need to be more productive, I need to be more visible, I need to earn more money, and in the case of AT, today I feel I need to be more present.
But the truth is, since I arrived in the AT classroom, and even before, I have experienced moments of deep presence. But also moments of coming into presence, moments of coming out of presence and of course moments of not being present at all. In a sense all these moments are necessary and it is the conscious returning to presence that I have cultivated in the AT classroom that is the very thing that brings life to my work.
So today as I read this card, I give myself permission. Rather than judging my work as good or bad, and looking to the past or the future for motivation and/or pressure. Instead I ask myself "Can I accept myself for what I am?", "Can I accept this moment for what it is?" As it is this moment and all the other moments that shape my life into the unique tapestry that it is.
And here I am.
Journaling prompts: Are there areas in my life where I feel to not be good enough? Do I nostalgasise about my abilities in the past? Do I think I need to be better at the Alexander technique? What if I was to accept myself in this moment as I am?
